COVID-19, Anxiety and Depression

I did my best.
I tried.
I tried to eliminate the triggers in my daily life (excessive news watching, reading news stories, clicking on unnecessary posts. Etc)
I have tried my very best to remain positive, upbeat and uplifting for others but COVID is a beast.

Before I knew it my anxiety and depression was at an all time high, I can vividly remember running dangerously low on toilet paper and searching endlessly for it. I began noticing how everyone was rushing through the grocery aisles buying everything they could and not caring for the person standing next to them. It was the biggest eye opener for me and it didn’t feel good. I felt lost, in the middle of Wegman’s there’s was this feeling of defeat, loss and utter disaster. I watched as two GROWN adults argued over who was in line first and one they went back and forth for at least ten minutes.

As a black woman I stood there astonished and utterly mortified, I knew I shouldn’t say anything because “if it has nothing to do with you... be quiet” (more on that later)  I was already completely overwhelmed by the whole social distancing policies, the new checkout procedure and paying a ridiculous amount of money for toilet paper (okay, it was a normal price but for some reason I payed attention that day.)

So there I was standing behind two caucasian GROWN adults (man vs woman) and the gentleman turns to me and drags me into it saying “this young lady agrees with me, you will NOT cut in front of us.” I had an “a...oop moment!” I started looking around like I know you didn’t just invite me into your business. The woman looks at me and rolls her eyes and proceeds to curse him out. I already had my AirPods in so I just turned up my music, because I refuse to be involved in unnecessary drama.

They kept inching their shopping carts forward crowding the checkout lane and eventually the woman slid her way to the front. Now as you can imagine I am anxious, nervous and downright blown away by the audacity of people. I always try to see the good in people and that day I realized some humans only care about themselves. When disaster or a global pandemic strikes people will engage in downright ugly, hurtful and meaningless drama. I left Wegman’s feeling raw, empty and devastated. I was also very frustrated with myself because I had to sit and examine what was happening to me.

Covid-19 has wreaked such havoc in all of our lives, it caused my husband and I to slow down tremendously and to really reimagine what “our world/life” will look like moving forward. But on the upside it has caused us to have so much fun just enjoying each others company without any obligations or plans. Covid has also MADE me face the reality of some unresolved issues or trauma that I had tucked deep down inside.

Facing the trauma and unresolved issues reignited my anxiety and depression but this time around I was given a chance to really do the work, to sit and listen to my heart. I was given a chance to dig and I mean dig at the wounds and attempt to get to the root.

My depression and anxiety caused me to do a deep dive on different resources and ways I could keep my mind, body and heart at ease. I encourage anyone who is dealing with depression or anxiety to reach out to your primary care physician and set up a virtual visit or an in person office visit to discuss what options could help you moving forward. I found that talking and being open to sharing has been so beneficial. Protecting your peace, mind and heart has been the most important lesson I have learned through all of this.
I also discovered that there are a bunch of apps that can help you release stress and learn more about yourself!

  1. Joyable (a drs referral would make the program free, without a drs referral it costs $99)
  2. Talkspace therapy (text and video conferencing with a therapist- different plans based on your budget) 
  3. Calm App (“Kleenex” offered a 3 month free subscription, they do offer different plans based on your need/budget)
  4. Openfit (fitness app, many celebrities or influencers are promoting the app. Do some research to find a promo code)
  5. Nike Fit Club (My fav!!! Work out from the comfort of your own home. They are currently offering their premium program for FREE!! They have awesome free work out plans)
  6. Peleton app (there were offering a 60 day free trail -double check!!)
  7. YouVersion Bible App (their devotional plans are AMAZING!! I encourage you to start a reading plan or devotional plans with a group of friends!)

As always remember that there is no pressure to do anything but always take care of yourself and try your best to show up everyday. Reach out to your loved ones, friends and work colleagues (if ya’ll have a friendship like that!) Ask for help when needed and seek help if you feel like harming yourself or others.

COVID, Anxiety and Depression will NOT WIN!!!! 


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