Overcomer Series: "Monique"
Our guest blogger this week is a young woman named, Monique. I met her in 2009/2010 at one of our colleges back home. Her story is one of strength, faith & perseverance.
"I lost my baby but found my strength"
October marks a very deep and dark moment in my life. It's the month that I found out I was going to be a mom! The excitement that ran through me was indescribable. I visioned what the nursery would look like, would it be a girl that I always wanted, would it have my features, how would I tell our family? We had been trying for awhile to get pregnant & nothing was happening, so I under went fertility treatments hoping that it would pay off. As a woman I felt like a failure already because it's like my body can't do the one thing I'm suppose to do, which is have children. I was so happy that I finally could give my husband the one thing that we were missing. We told everyone & things seemed to be going good. Our marriage had came along ways, (which I thought) we were getting along and things finally seemed to be working out the way it was suppose to be. A few weeks later, the unthinkable begin to happen, I started bleeding. A sign that no pregnant woman wants to see. We went to the ER & the doctor told us in so many words,"I'm sure you're having a miscarriage." He (the doctor) abruptly left the room and there we were left with the aftermath of dealing with this again but I saw a change in my husband from that day.
I couldn't get ahold of my doctor until that Monday so I prayed that they would find a resolution and answers. Sadly, my doctor confirmed that my HCG levels were dropping & that I was having a tubal pregnancy in which the baby was stuck in my tube.
My heart broke into a thousand pieces. I hated god, I hated everyone that I saw that was pregnant. I couldn't quite understand why he was punishing me. What did I do to deserve this? My doctor gave me shots to finish out the process of the miscarriage to ensure the sac wouldn't bust in my tubes. During that time I went into a depression. I begin to notice my husband was changing. Our marriage was suffering because of this miscarriage. He wasn't as attentive as he was. He began to disrespect me & even left home for a few weeks. Leaving me there to do everything. I knew than that it was time to make a change. 13 years of the same pattern of behavior. I could no longer be with a man that didn't value me or comforted me when as I grieved our child.
After the miscarriage, I began to pick up the pieces of my life. I had to realize that I was better than the situation I was in. I had to find my self worth and love for me. I was fighting so hard for us but I lost myself in the process. For once I wanted someone to fight for me. I had to let go of the dream of being a wife and mother & find out who Monique was.
I packed up the life I had & begin the journey of something new. I filed for divorce and moved out. I didn't really have a plan but I had faith that God would see me through. I didn't know what God was doing in my life when he took my baby from me but in a weird twist of fate it actually saved me. I was finally born again! I found strength at my most weakest moment. I found the power to overcome & most importantly I found me.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
"I lost my baby but found my strength"
October marks a very deep and dark moment in my life. It's the month that I found out I was going to be a mom! The excitement that ran through me was indescribable. I visioned what the nursery would look like, would it be a girl that I always wanted, would it have my features, how would I tell our family? We had been trying for awhile to get pregnant & nothing was happening, so I under went fertility treatments hoping that it would pay off. As a woman I felt like a failure already because it's like my body can't do the one thing I'm suppose to do, which is have children. I was so happy that I finally could give my husband the one thing that we were missing. We told everyone & things seemed to be going good. Our marriage had came along ways, (which I thought) we were getting along and things finally seemed to be working out the way it was suppose to be. A few weeks later, the unthinkable begin to happen, I started bleeding. A sign that no pregnant woman wants to see. We went to the ER & the doctor told us in so many words,"I'm sure you're having a miscarriage." He (the doctor) abruptly left the room and there we were left with the aftermath of dealing with this again but I saw a change in my husband from that day.
I couldn't get ahold of my doctor until that Monday so I prayed that they would find a resolution and answers. Sadly, my doctor confirmed that my HCG levels were dropping & that I was having a tubal pregnancy in which the baby was stuck in my tube.
My heart broke into a thousand pieces. I hated god, I hated everyone that I saw that was pregnant. I couldn't quite understand why he was punishing me. What did I do to deserve this? My doctor gave me shots to finish out the process of the miscarriage to ensure the sac wouldn't bust in my tubes. During that time I went into a depression. I begin to notice my husband was changing. Our marriage was suffering because of this miscarriage. He wasn't as attentive as he was. He began to disrespect me & even left home for a few weeks. Leaving me there to do everything. I knew than that it was time to make a change. 13 years of the same pattern of behavior. I could no longer be with a man that didn't value me or comforted me when as I grieved our child.
After the miscarriage, I began to pick up the pieces of my life. I had to realize that I was better than the situation I was in. I had to find my self worth and love for me. I was fighting so hard for us but I lost myself in the process. For once I wanted someone to fight for me. I had to let go of the dream of being a wife and mother & find out who Monique was.
I packed up the life I had & begin the journey of something new. I filed for divorce and moved out. I didn't really have a plan but I had faith that God would see me through. I didn't know what God was doing in my life when he took my baby from me but in a weird twist of fate it actually saved me. I was finally born again! I found strength at my most weakest moment. I found the power to overcome & most importantly I found me.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
