I am Enough

I am enough... and this is why

For years we have been told to look, dress and act a certain way. Magazines showed us what it took to get the new "fit body" and fashion shows reminded us of all the wonderful fashions we had to have in our closet. We fought to be in the "popular" crowd growing up and to always date the hottest guy at school. Our heads were filled with superficial, meaningless validations and when we failed to meet the worlds expectation of who we were suppose to be we began to beat ourselves up.

Okay, so maybe you didn't struggle with self esteem issues growing up but for me it was an uphill battle, one that I don't mind sharing with you.

I was teased growing up because of the way I looked, my parents always reminded me that I was made by God and that I was beautiful in every way. I understood the importance of validation and my family ensured that we were validated way before the "world" go a hold of us. I remember looking in the mirror everyday and I didn't like what I saw, my forehead was too big and I was small in stature. I didn't have the big boobs, the long curly hair or the nice shape that the popular girls had. I would often stand in the mirror and feel less than and I always thought something was wrong with me.

My father kept reminding me that I had to be confident in who I was and with how I looked. See I never wanted to look like those girls on the covers of magazines I just wanted to feel beautiful not every really knowing that true beauty comes from within. As my high school days came to a close and college was just around the corner the "comparison mindset" really started to set it. Not only did I have to deal with some of those same feelings from high school but now I was at an university filled with beautiful people. They looked so pretty on the outside and some even met "the one" during their freshman year. Dating seemed to add an extra layer to my self esteem, I felt like I always had to have some one's attention. It could be as simple as talking on the phone but to me it meant the world and to be honest I can't blame anyone for my "boy crazy" stage because I was surrounded by positive male role models growing up. They encouraged me to seek God first, focus on my goals and allow God to send me "the one". But when you are constantly telling yourself that you aren't good enough, or pretty enough it begins to eat at your confidence piece by piece. 

I excelled in my music ministry during my college days and I ultimately fell in love during that time as well but there was still something missing. I needed something and I just couldn't explain it. Having material things never fazed me, you could have given me my favorite pair of shoes and I would be pleased but it wouldn't move me. I learned early on that material things never lasted long and that no one was able to put a price on love.

But Alex I will take self esteem for 100.

After ending my relationship my life started spiraling out of control, I really couldn't stand the person I had become. My life lacked substance, I had placed my value in the relationship and without it I felt empty. Here I was a twenty two year old woman still struggling with my self worth. One day I was done with feeling empty and realized the way I felt about myself wasn't going to change simply because the process started years before that. I had to dig myself out of my own negative thinking and I had to find the things God loves about me. God's love for me was deeper than what I did in front of people on a Sunday morning, it was deeper than the song I led during praise and worship. God loved me in a unique way, his love covered every negative thought and every sin. I just needed to learn how to love myself, I had to realize that I was worth more than the situations and the friendships I was settling for. The process took about three years but when I learned the importance of taking care of me I was able to love and care for others in a whole other light. Til this day I am still fighting those little negative thoughts but this time things are different I am stronger, wiser and will throw a scripture at the enemy real quick.

"I am enough. I deserve every blessing God has given me. I am a survivor. "