I’m tired of explaining myself

TO DO LIST:
1.Make good grades in school
2.Graduate from high school
3.Attend a two or four year college
4.Get a degree and work in your degree field
5.Get married
6.Start a family
7.Get a white picket fence

This is the typical "American Dream" and this is what so many Americans try to achieve everyday. But the thing I love about us is that we chart our own path, we make mistakes, we fall and ultimately we complete our to-do list in the order we want to.

I followed the to-do list almost to the tee, minus the marriage and family part. I did get good grades in school, I attended a two year college and I received a degree. But in doing all of that I discovered that there was a lack of fulfillment and a lack of direction. Here I was a young woman fresh out of college, working and realizing that this isn't what I thought it was going to be. I wasn't satisfied and I was looking for a way out.

Escaping was my way of coping and I tried anything and everything to escape the reality that was in front of me, I began applying for jobs that I wasn't qualified for and started trying to find the quickest exit plan.
I considered joining the military but that plan was quickly derailed when I reached the recruiters office. I wanted the benefits and the long term job security but I wasn't willing to put the work in.

Lets be honest, how many times do we show up to a season in our lives unequipped and unwilling to do the necessary work to grow and develop? I know for me that was a cycle I was stuck in for a few years, I was showing up to new opportunities/seasons in life unwilling to work on ME and unwilling to work on developing in different areas. I was just showing up and I kept showing up and I continued to deal with the same mess but in different areas of my life.

I was just doing what I needed to do to get by, and ultimately I was just tired of explaining myself to MYSELF. I was tired of making excuses for why I took the easy way out when it came to my long term education goals and why I was so quick to run from one uncomfortable situation to another. I was so good at helping others with their mess that I failed to clean up mine.
I was just marking things off my TO DO list and in reality I was letting precious moments just fly by. Now looking back on my late teen and early twenties I realized that the growth that needed to take place then is taking place now. I am learning that I will get around to completing my OWN  version of my TO DO list in HIS timing.

I say all of this to remind you that although your life doesnt look like the vision or dream you had for yourself, know that you have the power and the ability to change it. It will take time, it will be a struggle but it will be worth it. We are all just trying to meet Jesus one day and our paths may be different but if we stay focused, live a righteous life and keep God first we will all end up in the same place, right at his feet.
God isn't impressed by how much you completed on your to do list he is concerned about your heart, how you treated others, how you passed the tests that were sent your way, he looks at the time you spent here on earth differently than anyone else can.

Stay focused on the path in front of you, and remember you dont have to keep explaining yourself.
He is proud of you!

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