Overcomer Series: "Trice"

My View VS. His View

I am constantly challenging myself to do better, and to succeed in the midst of adversity. But what happens when your private struggles begin to take over? It’s easy for me to sit in a coffee shop with my girlfriend’s and inspire them to be the best in everything they do. It’s natural for me to sit on the phone for hours encouraging the people who mean the most to me but honestly when it comes to my personal life I struggle daily.
My insecurities surround me and day by day they continue to rise to the surface. My struggle hit and all time high when I noticed year after year I was still single and could never get past a certain stage with a guy. If he wasn’t there for one thing or another, then he drained the life out of me. I ultimately gave up on finding love and began to question myself. I was validated at a very young age, my father ensured that we knew our worth growing up. I was never the type to have guys lined up waiting to “Talk to me” I was never the type to just casually date. I just wasn’t that girl and I am okay with that.  I figured I would get married young and have a family. Honestly once I hit my mid-twenties that all I wanted, “to be a good wife and a wonderful mother.” I am always ensuring that others are taken care of and failed to take care of myself.  In the long run I see the damage that I caused. Yes! That’s right there are some instances where we willingly downplayed the hurt and just pushed past it. That was my motto growing up, “yes you are hurting but push past it.”  I am so thankful that even in the silent battles God gives me the strength to endure.
The hidden parts of us, God sees and reaches out to restore us.  I would try so hard to mask the pain and hide the emptiness, when God was simply trying to uncover the hidden junk and heal me. What I see and what Christ sees is two different things and when life doesn’t go as plan, it’s hard to remember that God still sees me.  I can quote scriptures all day that would empower and lift me up but when you allow the “junk” to rise it will eventually take over. I am learning day by day that every failed relationship, friendship and closed door brought me to this moment. A moment where I have no other choice but to believe the promises Christ has spoken over my life and that in DUE season the right one will come. I am learning that it’s my responsibility to love myself the way Christ loves me, to see the beauty that Christ sees in me and to show the love of Christ to others.
Every day I make a conscious effort to push past the insecurity and to be there for myself just like I am for others. My view on life, love and my appearance cannot be compared to what Christ sees inside of me.  I was validated before the failed relationships and the broken friendships. I was fearfully and wonderfully made before I allowed the outside perception change how I viewed myself. I was called and chosen before the doors were closed in my face.  My view will always lead me down the wrong path if I continue to ignore the promises and words of affirmation that God has spoken into my life.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” – Jeremiah 1:5

Overcomer Series: "Monique"

Our guest blogger this week is a young woman named, Monique. I met her in 2009/2010 at one of our colleges back home. Her story is one of strength, faith & perseverance.

"I lost my baby but found my strength"

October marks a very deep and dark moment in my life. It's the month that I found out I was going to be a mom! The excitement that ran through me was indescribable. I visioned what the nursery would look like, would it be a girl that I always wanted, would it have my features, how would I tell our family? We had been trying for awhile to get pregnant & nothing was happening, so I under went fertility treatments hoping that it would pay off. As a woman I felt like a failure already because it's like my body can't do the one thing I'm suppose to do, which is have children. I was so happy that I finally could give my husband the one thing that we were missing. We told everyone & things seemed to be going good. Our marriage had came along ways, (which I thought) we were getting along and things finally seemed to be working out the way it was suppose to be. A few weeks later, the unthinkable begin to happen, I started bleeding. A sign that no pregnant woman wants to see. We went to the ER & the doctor told us in so many words,"I'm sure you're having a miscarriage." He (the doctor)  abruptly left the room and there we were left with the aftermath of dealing with this again but I saw a change in my husband from that day.

 I couldn't get ahold of my doctor until that Monday so I prayed that they would find a resolution and answers. Sadly, my doctor confirmed that my HCG levels were dropping & that I was having a tubal pregnancy in which the baby was stuck in my tube.

My heart broke into a thousand pieces. I hated god, I hated everyone that I saw that was pregnant. I couldn't quite understand why he was punishing me. What did I do to deserve this? My doctor gave me shots to finish out the process of the miscarriage to ensure the sac wouldn't bust in my tubes. During that time I went into a depression. I begin to notice my husband was changing. Our marriage was suffering because of this miscarriage. He wasn't as attentive as he was. He began to disrespect me & even left home for a few weeks. Leaving me there to do everything. I knew than that it was time to make a change. 13 years of the same pattern of behavior. I could no longer be with a man that didn't value me or comforted me when as I grieved our child.

After the miscarriage, I began to pick up the pieces of my life. I had to realize that I was better than the situation I was in. I had to find my self worth and love for me. I was fighting so hard for us but I lost myself in the process. For once I wanted someone to fight for me. I had to let go of the dream of being a wife and mother & find out who Monique was.

I packed up the life I had & begin the journey of something new. I filed for divorce and moved out. I didn't really have a plan but I had faith that God would see me through. I didn't know what God was doing in my life when he took my baby from me but in a weird twist of fate it actually saved me. I was finally born again! I found strength at my most weakest moment. I found the power to overcome & most importantly I found me.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Overcomer Series 2016: "Lindsee"

Our  guest blogger is, Lindsee. I have known her for the past two years  & her story is truly remarkable.

May 2015 I was fired from my dream job that I moved 3 hours away from my family to take. A few months prior to my firing I had renewed my lease at my apartment and did not want to pay the $2500 to break my lease. I honestly didn't think it would be that hard to find a full-time job, after all I did have two college degrees. I took the first job that I could get. It only paid $10 an hour. What was I supposed to do with that? So I picked up a part-time job on the weekends. That job only paid $7 an hour. Still not making ends meet I sunk into this feeling that I never felt before.

During this time I didn't tell my family or friends what was really going on. I would smile and laugh on the phone or out and about but every night I would cry myself to sleep. I would cry in the shower. I would randomly cry driving down the street. How did I get this low? Why did God let me fall? He was supposed to never leave me or forsake me but I had never felt so lonely in my life. Still needing more money to cover food and bills I got a third job working overnight stocking shelves in a retail store. This continued on for several months and the feelings of depression turned into suicidal thoughts. A few times I had contemplated driving over a bridge or purposely crashing head on into a concrete median.

Not knowing what to do and too much to tell my family what kind of mess I was really in all I could do was cry out to God. I was tired of being broke, tired of being lonely, tired of cry and weighed down from depression. I had not been to a church service since before my move in 2014. I honestly felt that I had let God down in our relationship; I mean I stopped talking to him so why even go to church. I have the Bible app and one morning my daily verse popped up and spoke to my situation Psalm 34:17(NIV) "The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles." 

You would think that between my situation, now barely being able to afford food and Jesus speaking to me through the Bible app I would be in church.......not! I had to admit to my family that I could barely afford my rent and food that finally. It was during this season that I realized that depression was just another tool for the enemy to attack me. He had already took everything from me physically, the only thing left was my mind. I pushed my pride aside and ask my family for help. My dad and my brother stepped right in, my dad called me and begged me to go to church. So I went. 

I continued to go. I started to read my Bible again. One day on my beloved Bible app I came across Psalm 40:1-3(NIV). It says, "I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him."  I continued to seek God and go to church. By the end of the year God put me in a job making $5000 more than the job that fired me and with amazing benefits. I was able to go from three jobs and tired to one job and having free time. He truly did put a new song in my mouth. The more time I spent with God the more quiet the sounds of the enemy and depression got. 

Whenever I get those feelings of depression I remind myself of what he did for me in 2015. If he did it before he can do it again.