With All These Broken Pieces.

I remember standing there. My world had just been shattered into a million pieces. This time it was my fault,I had no one to blame but myself. It was my decision to pick up the phone and it was my decision to end it. Now I am standing here with all these broken pieces and I am not sure where to begin. How do you begin to repair something when you dont know where any of the pieces fit? When you don't recognize the person you have become and you haven't been this broken before.
Things were different this time it was more than just changing a relationship status on Facebook, it was more than deleting a few photos. This was real love, this was different. I think the decline started early in the relationship and I was just to afraid to speak up. I was scared of being lonely, I was terrified of this moment. I felt so empty and depleted, my strength was gone. I had to do something with all these broken pieces, I had to figure out how I was going to save myself. I had to start digging myself out of the hole I was in. I soon found out no amount of vacations, girls nights or netflix binge sessions  was going go fix my brokenness. I had to do the work, I deserved healing I just had to figure out where to start.
I started to find the things that made me happy, I made a list of "Tips for Movin On" and whenever I would get discouraged  I would remember that list and pull myself out of the darkness. I wish I could say that after a few months things got better but actually it took me a few years, I was broken long before he came into the picture. I realized that dealing with brokenness causes you to face your fears head on and that's exactly what I did. I dealt with it all and I was determined to find my happiness and I was determined to mend all these broken pieces. With God by my side I learned the importance of loving myself first and that its when we are broken that God pulls out the beautiful things inside of us. Because of my brokenness I discovered my passion for writing and I realized that my story was a testimony for others. I was no longer ashamed of my broken pieces, I was beautifully flawed and one day someone is going to cherish those broken pieces.
With all these broken pieces God created a masterpiece

Are you leaving a legacy?

Devotional Scripture: Judges 2:6-12

In Judges chapter two we begin to see disobedience from the children of Israel. In verse one God begins to remind them of his covenant and asks them, "why have ye done this?" (verse 2)
God instructed the children of Israel to tear down the altars in Bochim but they disobeyed him. The children of Israel having seen their wrong began to weep and make sacrifices unto God (verses 4&5). The children of Israel went "to take possession of the land, each to their own inheritance" (verse 6) and they began to serve the Lord. After Joshua died they buried him in his land of inheritance, the next generation that arose after "knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel" (verse 11).
Can you imagine leaving this world having gained the promises of God, experienced his all mighty power and your children and the generations to come know NOTHING about the God you served?
The God who never broke his promise and snatched you out of the enemies hand.
Everyone should have access to this amazing, loving and sovereign God! But if your legacy or testimony doesn't show who God is and has been in your life then the next generation will be lost. I can only imagine the burden Joshua must have experienced when he realized that the people he was leading disobeyed God. Joshua "servant of the Lord" (verse 8) had did his part, he released the people of Israel and they went and served the Lord. The children of Israel knew God first hand, they had seen him bring them out of Egypt, they knew his power but yet the generations to follow knew nothing of this God, The worshiped Baal and Ashtaroth (verse 13 KJV)

Take A Moment:

Now after all God has done for you would the generations to come after you know about the God you served? Your legacy is more than just your occupation, economic status or your family dynamic its about your salvation  and your relationship with Christ. I encourage you to look at your life and decided what do you want your legacy to be. For me the answer is simple,"my legacy will show the powerful, loving  and forgiving God I had the honor of serving. My legacy will be a testimony of having a true and firm relationship with Christ. And while things weren't always perfect with God by my side I still won!"

This Is My Legacy.....

Creating Space for Him

One of the most important life lessons I learned growing up was to always make time for Christ. It didn't matter if it was five minutes or five hours making time for him was imperative. Life has a funny way of being chaotic and filled with to do lists and before you know it days have gone by and you only had enough time to get on your knees before bed. 
That was me for years I kept reminding myself to set aside a certain amount of time everyday to spend with Christ. I knew my relationship with him was greatly tied into the amount of time I spent on my knees. So I finally cameup with a plan, every night before bed I had to read my devotional and I had to pray. As the months rolled by I began to create an actual space for my devotional time, my closet became my "War Room"
Every night I go in my closet and pull out my journal there I jot down my notes from my devotional any scriptures of encouragement and my main points of focus.
-I am thankful for:
-Help Me:
-Prayer Requests:
-Tomorrow's Focus/Goals: 
-Tomorrow's Word of the Day:  
Breaking it down like this requires me to really think and write down exactly whats on my heart. Even with my hectic work schedule I realized that I am not able to take my "closet" with me but I can take my notebook or tablet. I realized that if I really wanted to grow in my relationship with Christ I needed to put forth the effort. I couldn't be inconsistent or lazy with it.
I needed to put my all into it. I needed to create a space for him in my life and in my heart. 

I am Enough

I am enough... and this is why

For years we have been told to look, dress and act a certain way. Magazines showed us what it took to get the new "fit body" and fashion shows reminded us of all the wonderful fashions we had to have in our closet. We fought to be in the "popular" crowd growing up and to always date the hottest guy at school. Our heads were filled with superficial, meaningless validations and when we failed to meet the worlds expectation of who we were suppose to be we began to beat ourselves up.

Okay, so maybe you didn't struggle with self esteem issues growing up but for me it was an uphill battle, one that I don't mind sharing with you.

I was teased growing up because of the way I looked, my parents always reminded me that I was made by God and that I was beautiful in every way. I understood the importance of validation and my family ensured that we were validated way before the "world" go a hold of us. I remember looking in the mirror everyday and I didn't like what I saw, my forehead was too big and I was small in stature. I didn't have the big boobs, the long curly hair or the nice shape that the popular girls had. I would often stand in the mirror and feel less than and I always thought something was wrong with me.
My father kept reminding me that I had to be confident in who I was and with how I looked. See I never wanted to look like those girls on the covers of magazines I just wanted to feel beautiful not every really knowing that true beauty comes from within. As my high school days came to a close and college was just around the corner the "comparison mindset" really started to set it. Not only did I have to deal with some of those same feelings from high school but now I was at an university filled with beautiful people. They looked so pretty on the outside and some even met "the one" during their freshman year. Dating seemed to add an extra layer to my self esteem, I felt like I always had to have some one's attention. It could be as simple as talking on the phone but to me it meant the world and to be honest I can't blame anyone for my "boy crazy" stage because I was surrounded by positive male role models growing up. They encouraged me to seek God first, focus on my goals and allow God to send me "the one". But when you are constantly telling yourself that you aren't good enough, or pretty enough it begins to eat at your confidence piece by piece. 
I excelled in my music ministry during my college days and I ultimately fell in love during that time as well but there was still something missing. I needed something and I just couldn't explain it. Having material things never fazed me, you could have given me my favorite pair of shoes and I would be pleased but it wouldn't move me. I learned early on that material things never lasted long and that no one was able to put a price on love.

But Alex I will take self esteem for 100.

After ending my relationship my life started spiraling out of control, I really couldn't stand the person I had become. My life lacked substance, I had placed my value in the relationship and without it I felt empty. Here I was a twenty two year old woman still struggling with my self worth. One day I was done with feeling empty and realized the way I felt about myself wasn't going to change simply because the process started years before that. I had to dig myself out of my own negative thinking and I had to find the things God loves about me. God's love for me was deeper than what I did in front of people on a Sunday morning, it was deeper than the song I led during praise and worship. God loved me in a unique way, his love covered every negative thought and every sin. I just needed to learn how to love myself, I had to realize that I was worth more than the situations and the friendships I was settling for. The process took about three years but when I learned the importance of taking care of me I was able to love and care for others in a whole other light. Til this day I am still fighting those little negative thoughts but this time things are different I am stronger, wiser and will throw a scripture at the enemy real quick.
"I am enough. I deserve every blessing God has given me. I am a survivor. "

72 Hours

Jonah 1:17
 "Now the Lord had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish for three days and three nights." 


God had called Jonah to go to a city called Ninevah (which was known for their wickedness) and minister the gospel. Jonah instead fled and brought a ticket "fare" to go to Tarshish (verse 3) And the Lord sent a great storm which not only caught the attention of the people on board the ship but awakened Jonah from his deep sleep. The people on board the ship began throwing everything overboard, in verse 6 the "ship master came to him (Jonah) and said unto him, what meanest thou, O sleeper? Arise, call upon thy God, if so be that God will think upon us, that we perish not." 
"For whose cause this evil upon us; what is thine occupation? and whence comest thou? what is thy country? and of what people are thou? (verse 8) In verse 12 the men cast Jonah in to the sea for they "feared the Lord exceedingly and offered a sacrifice unto the Lord and made vows" (verse 16). 

 So here's Jonah, after trying to run from his assignment; he's cold, wet and in the sea. In verse 17 it says, "The Lord prepared a great fish"  to swallow up Jonah. Many scientists have debates over this passage of scripture simply because the great fish swallowed Jonah. The bible never mentioned the fish chewing up Jonah he was simply swallowed whole. Scientist go on to say that there's no way Jonah would've survived being swallowed whole and survive three days and three nights in the fish's belly. But see they don't know the God we serve!
God was giving Jonah 72 hours to get it together. Jonah was surrounded by death, odor and darkness while in the fish's belly but he had to be held there for a season. Just like Jonah we may have been swallowed up by our current situation, struggle or issue. We maybe surrounded by darkness, dead dreams, dead goals, odors (reminders) of your past but God is giving you 72 hours. See the "belly" (situation) you are in was prepared to swallow you up whole but it wasn't designed to devour you. The belly you are in won't to kill you, it wasn't designed to kill your dreams it was just designed to hold you.. It was prepared to get your attention.

In the next 72 hours you have some decisions to make. Will you continue to allow yourself to be stuck in your situation or issue? Will you remain surrounded by odor, death and darkness? Or will you be like Jonah and pray in the midst of your situation (verse 7). The thing I love about God is that Jonah brought his ticket for the boat, he made the decision to run from God and God made the decision to hold him for 3 days and 3 nights just to get his attention. He simply kept him.
The moments when you aren't hearing from God don't get discouraged he's simply speaking to your belly (situation). Can you hear him?

"I prepared you to swallow them now devour them. So I am giving him/her 72 hours in this belly (situation) and after that you must release them." 

He still has a plan for your life